is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
