My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
