i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize