Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
