I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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