I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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