Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do vagina's smell?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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