i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize