my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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