i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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