I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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