he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
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As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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