my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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