I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
