you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
