And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
