Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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