It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
