Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
