this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
