So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
