sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
