I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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