Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
