Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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