At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
