Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
