someone owes me an orgasm
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
