That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
