So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
