Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
