Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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