I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
