and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
