I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
