Church boner. Awkwardddd
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
