I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize