i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
