Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
