Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
don't judge my taste in strippers
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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