the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
