Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
