Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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