he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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