Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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