Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize