Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
