I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
