I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
