I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
