He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
