She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When are your genitals available?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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