The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
