I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
