When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
