i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my poor anus
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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