dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
