i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
where does the pee come out of this thing
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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