you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
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You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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