why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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