On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
