You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
