arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
