I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
