At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
