Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
