Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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