In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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