i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
